


(Sad to see you go) Was sorta hopin' that you'd stay.

by heracotta



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Co-workers, Friends With Benefits, Kuroo's POV mostly, M/M, Mutual Pining, pining!Kuroo, pining!Tsukishima, vague explanation about their job please don't chase my head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:13:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24451891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heracotta/pseuds/heracotta
Summary: He never stays.And it always hurts him every single time he’s reminded of that.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 22
Kudos: 146





	(Sad to see you go) Was sorta hopin' that you'd stay.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Arctic Monkey's Do I Wanna Know?  
> This whole fic is actually inspired by the song. Give it a listen!

It’s still dark when Kuroo wakes up and slowly cracks his eyes open. The only light source he noticed is his night lamp situated on the nightstand on the other side of the bed. It’s set to dim so it doesn’t hurt his eyes. The other thing that he noticed is the empty spot beside him. It was made, meaning his companion from last night has been awake for a while now. He doesn’t hear anything in the bathroom.

He reaches out to pat on the empty spot and grabs a fist of the bedsheet. There’s still a lingering smell of his partner and it kind of stings. Kuroo sighs heavily.

 _He never stays._ And it always hurts him every single time he’s reminded of that.

Thinking that it’s about time for him to start his day, he pushes himself to sit up and leave to shower. He doesn’t even bother with the bed. There are signs that the bathroom was being used earlier and Kuroo could only imagine what it feels like to bath together with him. To hug him from the back and try to fit in the tub together. To scrub his soft hair and help him scrub his beautiful skin. To give him good morning kisses. He’d probably ask Kuroo to brush his teeth first. 

Kuroo looks up at the mirror, staring at himself. This is the routine now. Every time he leaves without a word, and before Kuroo is awake; he will be left wishing that he’d stay. He doesn’t know when he starts thinking like this, and long for his constant presence, but each day after they’ve shared the night, the feelings just get even stronger.

Walking into the kitchen he notices a little note, neatly folded and pressed under a clean mug. It’s always the same note. A note saying that _he has to go, he made the coffee, and a ‘see you later’_.

“Would it hurt you to stay if we end up seeing each other later?” Kuroo mutters to himself, folding the note back and places it into a clear bowl on his table, along with the last 27 notes.

\---

The lab has its own cafe on the ground floor, but it’s always packed with people during lunch hour and Kuroo usually wants to spare his energy from dealing with it. He always gets his packed bento on the way to work and has his lunch in the medium-sized pantry on the level where his room is. It is equipped with all necessities, complete with a refrigerator and air fryer, two small tables with 3 chairs for each.

Kuroo doesn’t realize by the time he finishes his report, it’s already halfway through lunch hour. He grabs his bento after tidying his desk for a bit and makes his way to the pantry. There is already another person in the pantry, going through his lunch.

Tall, blonde and gorgeous is a cheesy way to describe him, but he is who he is. When he enters Kuroo’s sight, Kuroo can’t help but to smile but that smile turns to smirk whenever the person notices his presence. Tsukishima Kei, his two years junior. He works in the second lab on the same floor but his room is at another wing of this building.

“Late lunch today, Tsukki?” Kuroo goes straight to sit on the chair in front of him, already unpacking his bento.

“Could say the same to you, Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima nods in greeting, and continues to push around his food. He has always been a small eater, Kuroo noticed, but there are still so many left in his box. 

“No appetite?” he tries. Tsukishima sighs softly, stabs an octopus sausage and brings it to his mouth. He chews very slowly.

“No… I forgot salt in here. Or something. I was in a rush. It’s too bland for me to eat.” he offers, but still attempts to chew some more from the box.

“If you didn’t leave this morning we could’ve made the bento together,” Kuroo shuts his mouth immediately after he slipped that out. He really shouldn’t say it. He has promised himself to talk about the matters in a more suitable environment and situation, IF he’s going to talk at all. Not during late lunch where Tsukishima is eating bland lunch. He tries to redeem himself by standing up and grabs the table salt and soy sauce from the fridge and pushes them gently towards Tsukishima. “Eat with these. It’s not that bad, right?” Thank goodness for him, Tsukishima doesn’t seem too affected by it, which sends him a little sad signal. At least if he’s affected and feeling guilty for leaving, it means he has to feel something too right? 

_No, Kuroo's brain that's not how it works. Shh!_

Tsukishima glances at the offerings and nods a little. He uses them to fix his bento a little and finally is able to finish it all. Kuroo feels proud for some reason, while vacuuming his own bento. They make some conversation along the way, Kuroo is able to make Tsukishima laugh - albeit a little - again today and now they’re preparing coffee in thermos for them to bring to their desk. 

Kuroo lingers for a while when Tsukishima is leaving the pantry with his coffee, but Tsukishima peeks his head in when he notices that Kuroo didn’t walk out with him.

“Kuroo-san?” 

Kuroo snaps back to present from whatever he’s daydreaming about and sees Tsukishima is still at the door frame, eyes questioning. “Ah, it’s okay. You leave first. I have something else to do,”

Tsukishima nods and gives him a curt wave before he walks away. Kuroo waits for approximately 10 seconds before he exhales harshly, gripping his thermos in hand. “You idiot. You’re just going to push him away,” he whispers to himself, while wallowing in the remnants of Tsukishima’s cologne in the room.

It reminds him of how close he held Tsukishima’s body last night, inhaling his every scent. It reminds him of how Tsukishima looked like on his bed and underneath him last night, and the nights before. It reminds me of the heat they shared, the kisses, of how beautiful he looks as he takes Kuroo in. Every single time. Every single time Kuroo never fails to admire how beautiful he is, and how desperate Kuroo is for him, and how much Kuroo couldn’t tell him how much he longed for Tsukishima to stay the night until the morning, to stay past morning until lunch, to stay as long as he wants, to stay in Kuroo’s life.

The first time it happened was because they were both drunk but neither of them pulled the “drunk and forget” act. In fact, they revisited the issue and talked about it. Both agreed with each other about how compatible their bodies are, and since then they have been meeting to spend the night for some loving. Neither of them shy away from asking if the other is free that night, if they could come over. Yes, not even Tsukishima. Contrary to popular belief, his cold demeanor doesn’t freeze his libido and got it stashed somewhere in Antarctica. 

Somewhere between the first encounter until today, Kuroo falls deeper into the arrangement. Somewhere between that, Kuroo started to seek to kiss Tsukishima more than going straight for the kill. He started to become intimate with his kisses, always kissing with purpose, biting, licking, and kissing again and again and he is never tired with it. He’s never tired of kissing Tsukishima. Be it on the lips where he could receive the kiss back, or his neck where he gets the most feedback, or everywhere else that makes Tsukishima sigh with content. And Tsukishima never refused the development. He indulged in Kuroo’s kisses, returning with his own and it’s making Kuroo lose his mind every time.

Kuroo started to cuddle more after sex, which at first the younger always refused for being shy or awkward, but finally gave in and now they'll cuddle to sleep. Tsukishima used to leave almost immediately after, but since he indulged Kuroo for cuddling time, he's not anymore. He will still, however, leave before the sun rises and he never stays.

He never stays.

Kuroo takes a sip of his hot, scalding coffee on purpose. The burn lingers on his tongue and pulls him out of his daydream. He sighs and walks out of the pantry, half-ready with continuing his work. His feelings about all these are only getting stronger by day. Maybe he should start talking to Tsukishima now that he already let it slip?  
  
Tsukishima is smart, but when it comes to love, he’s extremely dense. 

\---

Kuroo tries to keep himself really busy, not to give in into his thoughts - so it startles him when he hears the knock on his door. It’s always open, but people are polite. They will knock before they enter and Kuroo is always thankful for that. He has his head buried in his report and raise it to see his colleague Togawa standing by the door, bags on the shoulder and files in hand. His appearance alerts Kuroo, because Togawa is one of his colleagues who constantly works overtime, and to see him all ready to go home could only mean it’s past his usual working hour.

“Kuroo, it’s already late. Finish that tomorrow,” 

“Oh, shoot. I didn’t realize the time,” Togawa chuckles at his admission. He shifts on his other foot and waits. Seeing that, Kuroo hurries in putting his things together into his bag, switches off the computer and does a brief check making every important drawer locked and safe.

Togawa waits for him to close the door and lock it before they walk out of the building together. It’s not a long walk to the station but they are taking it slow with all the things Togawa has to carry home.

“What’s bothering you?” Togawa started.

“What makes you think that?” Kuroo is genuinely surprised. Is it showing on his face?

“Well… Sachiko said she went to invite you to have some of the imported candies she brought home from her family vacation but you weren’t responding at all,”

She did? Kuroo didn’t notice at all. Whoops?

“Anddd I had to knock for three rounds before you noticed me standing at your door,” Togawa chuckles.

Kuroo’s jaw drops. “You’re joking. Am I really that out of it?” He watches Togawa grin in amusement. 

“I’m not, and you are,” he nods. “I’m not going to assume, but if you want to at least shed some of that weight, I’m all ears,”

“I guess I do,” Kuroo said in a very low voice, almost a whisper but Togawa catches it all anyway. He doesn’t say anything other than a hum signalling that he is listening.

They continue walking for a few minutes without either saying anything. Kuroo appreciates the space Togawa is giving to him after that offer. He guesses he could drop some questions without being too clear and hopes he’ll get answers about what to do about it.

“Have you…” he started. Briefly he wonders if it’s a good idea at all, but he wants to know Togawa's opinion on this one matter. “...have you ever had friends with benefits? Or what is your opinion about it, if any?”

Togawa doesn’t respond right away, letting the crunching sounds under their steps to fill in the silence before he speaks. “It’s one of the best recipes for ‘feelings disaster’. I knew some people could do sex without strings attached fine, but they are mostly referring to their partners as fuck buddy. When one uses ‘friend with benefit’ term, however, some of delicate feelings might be involved,”

Kuroo looks down on his feet, watching them move one after the other, taking him closer to his destination.

Togawa continues. “To me, there is a difference when people use a different term to refer one same thing. Oh, but I could be wrong,” he glances at Kuroo. “I could guess where this is going but I hate being wrong. Did you finally harbor some feelings for your friends with benefits?”

“It’s A friend,” Kuroo corrects him. “It has always been only him,”

“Why don’t you quit it?” Togawa offers, as if it’s easy that way.

“That simple?”

“Quit being a friend with benefit with this person altogether and cut ties, or quit being a friend and becomes a lover instead,”

“I can’t cut ties with him???”

“A lover then,”

“It’s not that easy,”

“What is it that’s not easy? Confession?”

“That, and I don’t even know if he likes me that way,”

“Are you also the only one he attends to? Like you?”

“I’ve never thought to ask that,” Kuroo sighs. “No, I’ve thought of asking that but I don’t want to sound possessive. We’ve never agreed to stay loyal to each other. We’re not in that kind of relationship to have such agreement… yet,”

“You’re hoping,”

“I do. And I wish. It’s getting harder to see him leave every time we’re done. I couldn’t even tell him to stay. It becomes a habit to tell myself that he never stays and I hate my brain for it. Every time I see his face, all of my being wants to tell him how much I want him to stay and let me love him,”

“He used to leave immediately but for quite some time now he let me cuddle him to sleep. He doesn’t oppose it if I kiss him the way it’s not sexual. We didn’t just go straight for it anymore, there was just a lot of hugging and taking it slow. I try to prolong his stay, which works for a few hours but he still leave before the sun rise,”

Kuroo’s ramblings are cut short when they arrive at the station. There are not many people during this hour. Togawa hasn’t responded to anything that he spilled just now. He stays quiet and stares straight ahead, before he moves to stand directly in front of Kuroo.

“You know, it’s kind of strange to see how uncertain you are about it. It’s not quite an image I have of you. You always have this laid back aura with how comfortable you are with yourself,” 

Kuroo glances at Togawa before moving his eyes away from him. _Not this time, Togawa. Not with Tsukishima. I’m always uncertain with him. And afraid_. But Kuroo couldn’t say that out loud. 

“My kind of method is always to try and communicate clearly. I understand that you are probably afraid that you would lose him the moment you confess, but don’t you think that how he accommodates the changes you made in your relationship amounts to something? He could be wondering how he feels about you too, but you’ll never know unless you communicate,”

Togawa pauses when there's an announcement for the next train arrival. He moves from in front of Kuroo to his side again. They’re not talking anymore until the train arrives. Togawa takes a step forward and turns to smile at Kuroo. “This is me. I’ll see you tomorrow, Kuroo,”

“Thanks, Togawa,” Kuroo says, returning with a half smile.

“Talk to Tsukishima, okay?” and with that he disappears into the crowd.

Kuroo’s jaws dropped. It’s dropped! Is he that obvious? How does Togawa know? Has he been spending time observing Tsukishima too? But they’re on different wings, and Togawa doesn’t even work in the same lab, they’re just on the same level. Kuroo is left speechless. He is truly speechless. He whips out his phone to type a quick message to Togawa.

**[11.14PM] HOW DID YOU KNOW?**

He tightens the hold on his phone harder. He feels like screaming at it. Togawa notices? How did he notice? Did Tsukishima talk to him? Are they that obvious? Kuroo gets a reply a little while after.

**[11.15PM] Tsukishima-kun is cute when he’s flustered.**

Kuroo sputters. This bastard. Kuroo almost forgets how cheeky Togawa is. How can he forget that? His teasing and jabbing could even rival Kuroo’s very own trademark. And he went to unload it to that guy. To Togawa. He wonders if this is a mistake or a blessing. He groans, earning suspicious looks from people nearby.

 _But I guess Togawa is right. Communicate,_ he thinks to himself. And he plans. 

\---

It was just last week that they've been this same situation, but tonight Kuroo has been taking his time with his movement, taking his time consuming the sight in front of him, feeling every warmth and squeezes, drunk in the smell and let himself drown in heavy breathing and other beautiful sounds the blonde makes. Tsukishima is writhing under him with eyes squeezed shut and the side of his face pressed into the pillow, as if trying to hide and he bites his lips hard to stop the moans spilling out.

Kuroo reaches out to thumb his lips and ease the bite, pouring all his love into the touches. ‘Don’t bite so hard,’ goes unspoken. Tsukishima cracks his eyes open to glance at Kuroo and Kuroo meets his eyes. He doesn’t stop moving but his thrusts are slow and agonizing, even for himself. He wants to quicken his pace so much and chase that feeling brewing in his guts, but he’s afraid that it will be over too soon. Watching Tsukishima coming apart is doing things to his heart and it’s filling his chest with so much warmth. Kuroo doesn’t know if he can handle this anymore. Not when Tsukishima doesn’t move his eyes away from him. He locks his eyes on Kuroo while taking his slow pace without complaining, only a long whine once in a while as if he’s begging Kuroo to pound him harder and faster. But he didn’t make that demand tonight.

“God,” Kuroo lets out and moves forward to cage Tsukishima with his arms. He mouths sloppily at the blonde’s neck and jaws, biting as he goes and he inhales sharply at every corner he could reach, taking in his scent. It’s his favorite scent. _Tsukishima_ . _Tsukishima_ , he chants in his head. Their bodies are sticking so close he could hear his own heavy pants echo loud in his ears. “You’re so beautiful, Tsukki. So beautiful to me,” Kuroo whispers, nosing under Tsukishima’s ears.

He could feel hands gripping his biceps and light kisses on his shoulder. The ways Tsukishima responds to him. And he always responds to Kuroo. 

“Kuroo,” he hears him whisper back. His voice is broken with heavy breaths. “Kuroo please,”

There it is. Not that Kuroo waits for it, and Tsukishima doesn’t usually beg it that way. But from the way Tsukishima’s voice cracks, and the way he asks with light kisses and mouthing it on his shoulder, something in his brain snaps.

“Here we go,” he says, pecking Tsukishima’s lips and locking his eyes on him. Tsukishima doesn’t shy away. He stares back with a hooded gaze, and his eyes glisten with tears. Kuroo worries a little, he doesn’t know why but he hopes that they are tears from the pleasure. Tsukishima nods and Kuroo immediately picks up his pace. He peppers Tsukishima with open mouth kisses, sloppy and panting from the speed he sets for them.

Tsukishima squeezes his arm hard and Kuroo knows he’s close. Kuroo kisses him some more, sucks his tongue hard before muttering close to his lips. “Together, yeah?” Tsukishima nods and tilts his head up while gripping Kuroo tighter, nails digging into his skin. Kuroo pushed the sweaty bangs away from his forehead so he could kiss it before slamming even harder. The vice grips around his arms and the sounds they both make at this point are too much for him. Tsukishima wraps his legs around Kuroo and pulls him even further in. Kuroo wants to touch him, but Tsukishima swats his hands away and he doesn’t even make an attempt to touch himself. If he’s aiming to come untouched tonight, Kuroo doesn’t think he can handle it. Apparently that’s Tsukishima’s goal it seems. He only tightens his hold with one hand scratches on Kuroo’s back, neglecting his hard length between their bodies, only relies on the frictions from where Kuroo's torso is pressing on him.

He hears a strangled ‘Kuroo’, and feels warm liquid between their bodies and that sends him to his own release almost immediately. He slams hard and stills as he unloads. He feels and sees Tsukishima trembles beneath him, eyes closed and mouth open, soundless from the orgasm. The grips around his arm loosen a little and he could feel the stinging pain from the nails but he doesn’t mind at all. Kuroo keeps going with a slow thrust to ride out their orgasm together and Tsukishima unwraps his legs from the deathly grip around Kuroo to plant the feet on the mattress instead.

Kuroo is reluctant to take it out, so he deliberately lingers while taking his sweet time pushing Tsukishima’s bangs away, gently maps his fingers around his beautiful, beautiful face and gives him gentle pecks before Tsukishima grabs his lips with his own to lock them in a sensual kisses, tongues and all. Kuroo lets himself drown in it. He will never get enough of it. The younger man pulls away to give a hard closed mouth kiss full on Kuroo’s lips and sighs softly.

“Come on, lets get us cleaned up,” he whispers. He nudges Kuroo on the shoulder and Kuroo slowly pulls himself out. Tsukishima usually would be the first to get off and head for the shower but he just pokes Kuroo while still lying on the bed. “You go first,”

Kuroo grins at him. “Don’t want to go in together?”

Tsukishima scrunches up his nose and pinches his arm lightly as a response. “It doesn’t fit in there. You go. I’m not going anywhere,”

The last sentence got him. Kuroo knows how his grin drops a little and a shock paints his face at the moment. He doesn’t say anything back, just lean close to give Tsukishima another kiss, and Tsukishima is allowing a lot of things tonight.

When he gets out of the bathroom, he notices the bed sheet is already removed and Tsukishima is picking up their discarded clothes to put them on the bed. “The shower is free,”

“Thank you,” he said. Kuroo smiles at how polite he still is even after what they’ve done together. Kuroo gently grabs his arms as Tsukishima makes his way to the bathroom and gives him another peck on the lips. He feels clingy tonight and he’s afraid, but he can’t stop showing how much he wants Tsukishima and wants him around. He could see the guy’s face redden at the sweet gesture, and Kuroo almost laughed at how he still gets so shy with a simple kiss.

\---

Kuroo is now contemplating whether he wants to simply chuck the sheet into the washing machine or soak it in warm water first to clean it after all their activities. He’s standing in front of the machine now, folding the sheet and decides that he’ll soak it first when he hears a presence behind him.

“Uhm,”

Turning around, it’s Tsukishima in just a towel wrapped around his waist. He already has his glasses on and his long hair is pulled all the way back, exposing his forehead. His beautiful forehead, Kuroo thinks. He’s really smitten, even his mind now sounds like a fool. A fool in love.

“What’s wrong Tsukki?”

The guy is holding his clothes, loosely folded, and he gestures it towards the washing machine. “Do you mind if I use your washing machine? And the dryer?”

Kuroo moves to take the clothes from him so he can wash it. “Sure Tsukki, let me do it for you,”. Tsukishima pulls his hold closer to himself to avoid Kuroo from taking it.

“I’ll- I’ll do it myself, Kuroo-san.” But he makes no moves to actually do it. Kuroo realizes he’s blocking the way so he moves a little to the side, allowing Tsukishima to go in. “Uhm and… can I borrow your clothes?”

Kuroo perks up at the question. Is he staying? Is he staying now? But why? What changes? But he’s staying, right? “Sure! I’ll go get them for you!” And he dashed out quickly to his room, looking for a comfortable T-shirt that he likes and pants that is a little too long for him. Considering that Tsukishima is taller than him, it will fit. He can’t stop wondering what this means now.

He closes the drawers and unfolds the clothings to see if there’s any hidden hole or tear. Tsukishima walks in (still in his towel) when Kuroo is still checking the clothes.

“I hope this fits you. And this pants too,” he hands the pair of clothing to Tsukishima, which the latter gingerly takes from him.

“Thank you Kuroo-san,”

They settle for cuddling when Kuroo asks. Kuroo doesn’t feel like sleeping early tonight. There are so many new things happening that makes him question the universe if she has any new plans for him tonight. From the most intimate sex he ever had with Tsukishima, to the the changes in bathroom turns, to the request for washing machine and lending his clothes, a lot of it is confusing. Kuroo wants to indulge in it, but at the same time he's very afraid of what will happen next. It’s kind of too good to be true.

Tsukishima is on his phone reading some articles, but comfortable in Kuroo’s hold. He smells like Kuroo’s soap and his hair smells like Kuroo’s shampoo - which is another new thing he notices tonight. Tsukishima never uses his shampoo. He usually said he’ll wash his hair when he’s home but this is new. Kuroo can’t help but to bury his nose in the fluff of blonde hair and sniffs it.

“Mm, your hair smells like me,”

“I used your shampoo. I’m sorry, I should’ve asked.” Tsukishima lowers his phone and half turns towards Kuroo who is spooning behind him. 

“It’s okay, Tsukki. I like it,” 

Tsukishima locks his phone and places it on his nightstand. “I was afraid it’ll turn my hair into something like yours, at first.”

“Brat. This is a bedhair, not from hair product,” Kuroo pinches his cheek and Tsukishima laughs. It’s a beautiful sound. Goddamn Kuroo you’re so smitten. “I thought you’re smarter than that,”

“Urgh all the chemical substances you’re working with must’ve killed a lot of my brain cells. This is what I get from hanging around you,”

Kuroo fakes a sharp gasp. “Tsukki!” Tsukishima laughs a little more and it warms Kuroo's heart. He feels Tsukishima’s hand gently pats his arm and rubs it slowly, settling them to calm down.

The room goes quiet for a while, Kuroo starting to feel himself slipping into sleep. Tsukishima moves to get comfortable in his hug, so Kuroo kisses the back of his neck and tightens his hold. “Tsukki?”

“Hmm?”

“Can you stay?” There. There it is. That’s the question he’s been dreading to ask of Tsukishima, and he already slipped it out. He feels his stomach churns at the thought of Tsukishima refusing and leaving. He thinks about it before, he doesn’t think he can handle it gracefully. He can feel the younger man freezes in his hold and it fuels his fear.

“Stay?”

“Yeah? Stay until morning, and let me cook breakfast for you? We can eat together,” Kuroo hears no response, and Tsukishima is very still. “I mean if-”

“Is it okay?”

“What?”

“Is it okay to stay?”

Kuroo really can’t take it, now. Does this mean Tsukishima has always been wanting to stay, but he couldn’t because Kuroo didn’t ask him to? Knowing Tsukishima, he probably thinks he won’t stay uninvited. Hell, he even asked if he could use anything in the house, despite being here so many times already.

“Of course, Tsukki. I've always wanted you to stay,” he says and punctuates it with a kiss on the blonde’s cheek. Tsukishima turns to hide his face in the pillow.

“Okay,”

Kuroo smiles. No words can explain how happy he is now. He wants to squeeze Tsukishima hard to tell him how much he has been waiting for him to stay until morning. Breakfast together. They’re going to have breakfast together.

But his giddyness is interrupted when he feels something wet on his arm. It was where Tsukishima’s head is, and very close to his eyes. Tsukishima is crying and he can’t figure out why. He wonders if he should address it now, but from the way he hides his face and trembles, trying to suppress it, Kuroo let him be. Kuroo is going to let Tsukishima cry quietly, and he will address it when he’s much calmer. It is perhaps too much for him right now, so Kuroo is going to let him have the time.

Kuroo couldn’t immediately sleep after that, even when his body is signaling the needs to sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Tsukishima’s tears. He feels Tsukishima finally stilled and asleep, so he moves a little, peering to look at this face. He gently moves his bangs and tucks them behind his ears. He stares at Tsukishima's face a little longer before he kisses his temple and settles back to his spooning position. 

\---

“This is really good, Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima picks up one of the rice balls Kuroo made for breakfast. It’s his third one. “How do you even have salmon in your fridge?”

“Are you trying to say I don’t cook?”

Tsukishima only gives him a tiny grin and bites into the rice balls. His face lights up with every bite and it makes Kuroo feel a lot of happy things but he can’t help to realize there are two rice balls Tsukishima deliberately avoids to touch. He pushes the plate towards him. “There’s still some more here, Tsukki,”

The blonde just wrinkles his nose and pushes the plate back to Kuroo. “I don’t eat _umeboshi_ ,”

“You don’t?”

“I’d rather have strawberries as the filling,”

Kuroo laughs and pinches his nose. Tsukishima swats his hand away but not without laughing. Kuroo is melting even more at how domestic they sound and look like right now. This is what he was looking for. As they go through conversations about a lot of things, Kuroo realized that it wasn't that he wanted Tsukishima to stay. No, scratch that. Of course, of course he wanted Tsukishima to stay, but it’s not only that. He knows for a while now that his feeling for the guy is not just like: he’s falling in love. And he’s falling in love fast.

His desire to have Tsukishima stay longer and wait for breakfast if he’s going to leave at all, is to have the taste of a loving couple. To feel like Tsukishima is his. He wants to take this friend with benefits relationship further. He wants to call Tsukishima his boyfriend, he wants to be able to say ‘I love you,’ and hopefully Tsukishima could say it too. With them joking and playing around like this, Kuroo almost forgets that they are still those friends with benefits. And the thoughts crushes his heart a little. He had his fun, he had the taste, and he wants more - but it is ending now. Tsukishima will finish his breakfast, he’ll get to shower and he will leave. Kuroo wonders if he could give him a goodbye kiss too, or is it not in friends with benefits’ territory?

“Kuroo-san?”

Kuroo didn’t realize he was drifting to daydreaming again. Right in front of Tsukishima at that! Look at all the time wasted.

“Yeah Tsukki? Sorry I was--” Kuroo halts. In Tsukishima’s hands is the bowl where he keeps the notes he wrote. All 28 of them. Tsukishima is staring at it. He picks up more notes and flips them open.

“Why did you keep this?” he whispers, each word muttered slowly.

Kuroo swallows, and it’s hard when he feels like there’s a lump in his throat. Is this how Tsukishima will find out about his feelings? Will he leave this time? Kuroo’s hand that is on his knees turned into a fist, trying to ground himself. Kuroo’s eyes stay on the bowl, but he knows Tsukishima is looking up at him.

“Kuroo-san?”

“Every time you leave-” Kuroo blurts out, and he swears it was an accident. When Tsukishima calls his name in such a way, he can’t help wanting to tell him everything. He doesn’t know if he can keep this anymore, to be honest. “Every time you leave, I wish I could’ve done better and told you not to,”

“Every time you leave, I regret I didn’t hold you tighter. Every time you leave, I regret that I was sleeping, so I couldn’t see your back when you leave. Waking up-” Kuroo swallows. Goddamn this is hard, what is this lump? “-waking up without you, seeing the spot you used to lay on, cold, but still have your scent around… it was hard,”

“I always wanted to ask, Tsukki, can you stay? But I’ve never managed one, until yesterday. I always wanted to wake up and still have you in my arms.”

Kuroo stubbornly locks his eyes on the bowl, not daring to see Tsukishima’s reaction. But he is not done yet.

“I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know when I started longing for you more than just… more than just sex. I tried to make you stay longer by kissing you slower, hugging you much longer, asking you for cuddles… because you’ll leave before sunrise and I don’t know how to ask to make you stay,”

“I thought it’s just because we shared intimate moments together, but I feel the same even when you’re not on my bed. I feel the same when we had lunch together, in that pantry. I feel the same when we’re in the same department meeting. I feel the same whenever I see you. I feel the same whenever I hear your name. I feel the same whenever I see your name,”

“This friends with benefits thing… is not working anymore for me,”

Kuroo braces himself to finally look at Tsukishima’s eyes. They’re widened, his face is all red, and he’s currently crumpling the notes in his hands. When he sees Kuroo looking back at him, he blinks, and Kuroo could see tears threatening at the corner of his eyes. They’re still so beautiful to him. Golden, glistened even with tears, and they’re still very beautiful.

“I fell in love with you. I’ve been for a while now,” Kuroo says, “I keep the notes to remind me of how many times I’ve failed to tell you that I love you,”

Tsukishima doesn’t reply. He couldn’t reply. He looks down at the notes crumpling in his hands. Kuroo tentatively reaches for his hands, uncurls the fists and holds them fast. Something inside Kuroo dies a little when Tsukishima doesn’t return the hold, but only for a second, because he feels the blonde returns the hold tight and brings his forehead to their joined hands.

“..ank goodness,” Kuroo hears he whispers, his voice shaking.

“Tsukki?” he calls, slow and afraid. What’s wrong?.

Tsukishima doesn’t raise his head. 

“Every single time, I was afraid to ask if I could stay,” Tsukishima still doesn’t raise his head, but he presses his forehead harder. “I thought you wouldn’t want me longer than I should. I’m afraid that I overstay,”

Tsukishima raises his head now. He stares at their hands, firmly holding each other. He gently plays with Kuroo’s fingers. “Everyone at work… Everyone at work talks about how charming you are. How matching you are with beautiful women and men there. How you are the most wanted. How they wished you paid them attention. I thought I'd never have a chance. Not that being friends with benefits does any good to my reputation,”

“What does being friends with benefits has anything to do with reputation?” Kuroo squeezes his hands a little, calling for his attention to his question.

“You don’t see me as easy?” 

Kuroo’s eyes widened. That is not where he thought Tsukishima’s mind would travel to. “What? No? No! Tsukki, I would never. You’re not easy, just because you’ve had sex with someone. That’s not the case at all. What makes you think-” Kuroo gasps. “Did you… did you have anyone else beside me?”

Tsukishima snaps his head up, shocked at the question but quickly shakes his head. “There wasn’t anyone. It’s only you. It has always been only you. Even though I thought I didn't have the chance, I can’t bring myself to be that close with anyone else… but you,” Tsukishima bite his lips, before continuing. “And to be fair we started off drunk. I thought… I thought I was just an easy outlet,”

“Nooo. Tsukki. I’ve never thought about you that way at all. I may look like this, but I’m not a playboy. Never. Tsukki!” Kuroo pulls Tsukishima’s hands to kiss them on the knuckles, “I don’t simply sleep around just because people… could be... I don’t know, willingly throw themselves at me? I admit the first time we’re drunk, but I was already interested in you. Not as much as love yet, that time, but look at me now. I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you. I tried to show it by kissing you a lot, touching you a lot, but I’m also afraid that you don’t want me clinging on you like that. I could be annoying,” 

“You’re annoying sometimes,”

“Hey,”

“But I’m happy when you do that little things,”

“What little things?”

“The… the innocent kisses… when you back hug me. I like it when you spoon me. It feels like… it feels like I’m yours for a moment,” Tsukishima goes slowly with his words. His face gradually becomes redder. He’s no longer able to see Kuroo in the eyes as he confesses.

Kuroo smiles. He smiles so wide. It hurts. His cheeks hurt. Oh they are both fools in love.

“Do you want to be mine?”

Tsukishima’s eyes widened once more. He looks at Kuroo, searching his face and trying to see if Kuroo is just joking. “Kuroo-san, I…”

“Tsukki, I just told you. I love you. I love you, Tsukishima Kei. Will you be my boyfriend?”

The sudden squeeze of his hands is the only warning Kuroo has before Tsukishima jumps up from his chair and throws himself to hug Kuroo tight. Kuroo laughs but he hugs back. He hugs back tight. He kisses Tsukishima’s cheek, moves to kiss his nose, his other cheek, and lastly his mouth, full on his lips.

“I’ll take this as yes?” Kuroo asks. Tsukishima moves to bury his face in Kuroo’s shoulder but nods anyway. “What was that?” Kuroo teases. But he also needs to hear Tsukishima say the words.

“Yes, Kuroo-san. I will be your boyfriend. I want to be your boyfriend, for a while now,”

“I really love you, you know,”

Tsukishima pulls away slowly. He brings his hands up to hold Kuroo’s face in them. Kuroo is smiling. He’s smiling at him, happy and giddy. Tsukishima smiles back, his thumb traces the curves and contour of Kuroo’s face and gently swipes his lips with it.

“I love you too, Kuroo-san,” And they close the distance together.

\---

“You’re late,” 

Kuroo spins his chair to face the door to his room. Togawa, the bastard.

“Togawa,”

“Tsukishima was late too,” Togawa sings his statement. Kuroo squints at him.

“It seems that you’ve been paying too much attention on Tsukishima,”

“Don’t be jealous now, Kuroo. Everyone can see your marks on his neck already,” Togawa whispers the last sentence loudly before laughing and walks away from Kuroo’s room.

What?

Kuroo stands up so quickly he almost sends his chair toppling. He makes his way out and briskly walks to Tsukishima’s wing. He could see Tsukishima walking fast towards him too. Oh? And he has one hand on his neck. Uh oh.

After their confession this morning, they made out some more before realizing that it’s only Friday and they still have to work. Both of them were late, and their colleagues from the same department had been sending them looks and stares.

“Kuroo-san!” Tsukishima whisper-yells and reaches for his arm.

“Tsukishima-kuuuuun. We want deets-- oh!” Kuroo peers from Tsukishima's tall shoulder and sees a group of their colleagues actually following Tsukishima. Their eyes go round when they realize who Tsukishima is holding on to. “KUROO-SAN?”

“Go go go,” Tsukishima quickly pushes Kuroo to get out of there.

“Tsukki, what?” Kuroo laughs but he moves anyway. Tsukishima couldn’t handle how he’s trying to dilly dally so he grabs his hand and pulls him harder to run away from the excited colleagues.

So now they’re running away like a bunch of teenagers, making turns and detours until they reach the roof. By that time they arrive, they are already wheezing and losing breaths, all from the running and laughing. They close the door behind them and climb the stairs to the roof. It’s a well kept area because people would sometimes escape to the roof if they want some time alone amidst the busy working atmosphere. Anyone could be here at the moment but it doesn’t stop Kuroo from crowding Tsukishima up to the wall and hold his hips.

He moves his face close to Tsukishima, ghosting at his lips as he speaks, “You know they’re going to know it’s me anyway right? With this stunt,”

“I’ve never thought of that,” Tsukishima says with a smile. “Do you hate it?

“If you ask me, I want everyone to know that you are mine, now,” Kuroo kisses the corner of his lips. “But that might cause them to keep looking at you. I get jealous,”

“Why would you be?” Tsukishima grazes Kuroo’s chin with his finger and tilts it so he could kiss him gently.

“Do you realize how beautiful you are? You said EVERYONE at work thinks I’m charming,” Kuroo kisses him again. Man, he could never get enough kissing his boyfriend now. “But you know? That goes the same with you,”

And it’s true. It doesn’t surprise Kuroo to know that people see him in some way, but hearing people praise Tsukishima’s beauty and unusual features with his natural blonde, long wavy hair and honey-colored eyes, coupled with his impressive height and smarts - is not uncommon too.

“Kuroo-san,” Tsukishima stops Kuroo from kissing him with his fingers. “You have nothing to worry about.” He closes the distance himself and pecks Kuroo lightly. “I’ve always wanted to be yours. Now I’m all yours,”

The look on Kuroo’s face could only be described as happiness. Kuroo feels like crying from the way things turn out but he’s happy. Seeing Tsukishima smile at him, only for him, and declare himself that he’s Kuroo’s - makes all the pining worth it. He’s ready for more things to come, he’s ready to build more happiness with his boyfriend now.

“Let’s make more memories together. Ours. Yeah?” Tsukishima nods at the proposal, and they seal it with more kisses.

_He stays now, and he stays as his._

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry you have to read that with your two eyes


End file.
